1833 July [June] 25, Bloomsdale, to William D. Cope

              Bloomsdale July [June] 25th. 1833.



Thee will probably be somewhat surprised in receiving a communication from me, in reply to thine- but I have determined notwithstanding my extreme diffidence to employ pen & paper- in order- if possible to dispel some unpleasant and I may ass unhappy associations connected with thy last visit.  That I did feel and evince some repugnance to having a private conversation with thee- I freely acknowledge.  Why I did so- it is impossible for me to explain- unless it was because I supposed the one- we had previously had- was sufficient to elucidate all difficulties- and therefore a second one useless.- I regret now such a thought should have entered my mind- and why I felt it painful- to have a further explanation- when I saw it wd. afford thee a satisfaction- is a mystery I do not yet understand; but as all regrets are unavailing- I will not strengthen them by indulging in, or dwelling upon them.-  That my manners may have appeared in some instances- as they says, cold and repulsive, I am sensible- without my intending them to have that effect, at any rate- let me assure thee, it was very far from my intention, to wound or hurt thy feelings for even as I wd. like my own respected- have I endeavoured to consider thine.------ I certainly meant to imply from what I said- I considered thee in fault, in not having sent me any intimation of thy feelings with resepct to me, throughout the whole seven months of thy absense; most assuredly- absense & silence were never calculated to cherish and increase a preference, which under different- and more auspicious circumstances might have arisen; & as thee gave me no intimation I was not forgotten- I had no alternative left, but to believe as I did- thee had abandoned all idea of further intercourse- well then- considering myself slighted, and neglected, how could reserve and coldness of manner be entirely avoided?  In extending my forgiveness, I really thought I had something to forgive- but it seems- according to the light in which thee views it- there was no fault committed- and consequenlty no "need of forgiveness."  However different thy views of human nature- and the ways of the world, are from my own- I must still see those actions- in the light of errors- but will consider them as unintentional- and arising from inexperience.  With respect to our correspondence motives of delicacy alone- prevented me from consenting to it- If thee had thought correctly about it- thee